thinking out loud.

It is no secret that I want to live in New York City sometime in the near future.

But today I was thinking: I am so envious of those who were born and raised in New York. They know the city like the back of their hands, they know how to handle the people (and what's more the attitudes). The atmosphere, the chaos, New York is their home, and it is what they are used to. I envy that. All I know is a small town where I have to drive to the town 30 minutes away to get Starbucks or go see a movie; the way I dress is even too much for this insanely small town that I live in. And then I started thinking about if when I move to New York... I want to have a family eventually. I am going to bring a child into the world that will have the life I always wanted. My child will be the true New Yorker I have always wanted to be. And I'm jealous of this child that is 10+ years away from existence. But I'm okay with this. This is the life I'm choosing for myself, and for my future family. And it is absolutely perfect.

xo. Haley

etc.

Today while at work, I began making my 2011 goal lists, and started organizing my thoughts for how I want 2011 to play out.

Truth is: I don't know what I want for the next year.

I have my goals, yes. But when its this time next year, I don't know where I see myself.

I talked to a woman in one of my classes last night who told me about her experience with moving to New York City by herself right out of high school. She truly inspired me. I came home, my head full of thoughts and all I wanted to do was tell my mom about all these plans I have. I think it might have scared my mom when she noticed how serious I was about it.

Through all of this, I think I'd like to see myself living completely on my own by the end of the next year. I would love it. Will it happen? Probably not. But that's the goal. Something I'll be working towards in the next few years.

Anyways...

I've been working on more attainable goals as well. I won't say what I'm working on just yet, but some huge changes are coming.

I am very, very excited for the coming year. Life has a way of surprising you - and I honestly can't wait to see what's in store for 2011.

I don't think I've ever been this excited about life before.

+ I started reading a new book today. I hardly ever really invest in a book. But lately I've just been wanting to read a really good book, one that I can't force myself to put down, one that leaves me thinking. Well... I started "The Year of Magical Thinking" today and this afternoon at work, I read... and read... and read. I read for maybe 2 hours and then finally made myself quit so I could clean up and go home and read some more. The book is incredibly sad so far, but all the reviews I've read of it say that the author keeps it very light and its not as depressing as it seems it will be. So far, I just want to cry and give the author a huge hug. But it is SO good.

I can't wait to get to work tomorrow morning so I can make myself a huge chai tea latte and settle in to my cozy chair in the back and just read for another 2 hours.

I need more good books to read! :)

-Haley

3o Days of Truth: Day 19: views on religion.

Its almost funny - Lydia wrote about this very topic yesterday. And it seems, she and I share the same views.

As a Christian, I want to share my love for God; I want people to visibly be able to tell that I am a Christian, I want to lead a life that will one day be a good example for my kiddos.

As a Christian, I should have this passion to share Christ's love with others. And don't get me wrong, I really want to. I have a passion for people who don't know about God. But I also know that there is a time and a place for things like this. And I also can tell when someone doesn't want to hear it, I don't go off continuing to shove my religion on them.

A lot of what Lydia said, I agree with completely. So just go read her blog :)

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 30: picture of something.

Yesterday after school, I decided to take the long way home. It was so beautiful. The weather was absolutely perfect. I appreciate days like this, especially when the weather lately has been so dreary and cold. Is it too soon to say I am ready for spring? :)

...this is the part where i ramble a whole bunch.

So in the past few days, I've gone into freak out mode. I have realized, I don't know what I want to do with my life. I don't know what kind of career I want. Over the past few years, I've changed my mind so many times (I mean, seriously. I wanted to be a mortician at one point. GROSS). Some days, I still want to work for a magazine doing page layouts. My days in yearbook really sparked in interest in that. Other days, I want to plan weddings. Why? I don't know. I've been to like, 2 weddings in my life and one of them was for my best friend's grandma & her new husband (sexy Rexy! So many jokes came from that weird, weird wedding). But anyways, I have an interest in weddings. I have a huge interest in all things handmade. I like to bake. No, I love to bake. I have so many different passions. I just want a career out of all of these loves that I have.

I was having a conversation similar to this the other day with Colby, and we both decided we just want to move. Get away from this small town we've lived in our entire lives, and just go. Me, to New York, Colby to London (with cutie little Blake. Blake spent the spring semester studying in London, and it seems that he left his heart there. I'm jealous). I so badly just want to live. To not have a set career, or even a set home. I just want to go and travel. Experience all these different places and cultures. I want to have kids and raise them to be well educated, cultured kids that have an appreciation for all things creative.

I used to want the cookie cutter, perfect wife/perfect mom life. Sometimes, I think it is what fits me best. They always say that you turn out to be like your mom... My mom was just that. She stayed at home for nearly 17 years before getting a "real" job, my junior year of high school. I appreciate everything she did when she was a stay at home, and always hoped that I would be half as good of a mom as she is. But in the recent months, I've found myself drifting further and further away from that ideal. Maybe this is just my independence I'm finally gaining. Or maybe I'm just getting antsy and I'm ready to leave Missouri. Who knows. I sure don't.